Eight signs which should tip a CEO off that a valued team member is about to resign

1. You sit opposite each other for two months and the employee uses the phones as a paper weight rather than as a tool for making money.

2. Your pride in appearence is so bad that that trendy stubble you always have grows to the point where you look like you should be in shackles and an orange jumpsuit (one advantage of this is you ALWAYS get a seat on the tube).

3. You disappear for 4 hours meetings during the day. You go without a tie on. And the brown shoes you travelled around Asia in. And a tracksuit top on. Covering the shirt you haven't bothered to iron. Or wash.

4. IT calls CEO up to query why out of every computer in the UK, said employees' computer has broken the record for most hits on the Daily Mail's website in one day.

5. Office hours are until 6.30. From 5.59 onwards said employee responds to every request for assistance with "sorry bud, I am swamped". And then leaves at 6:30.

6. When said employee is confront about lack of activity he chuckles and suggests CEO and employee laugh at this over a drink at the Christmas when said employee is top biller in the company. Employee needs to find £500,000 in three months to achieve this. However, without using a telephone there is more chance of coverting his excel spreadsheet into bread and feeding the 5000.

7. Junior team members start to ask the payroll assistant rather than their manager how to close a specific deal. Payroll assistant sits next to CEO.

8. This is the biggest giveaway. Employee updates his blog about resigning at his desk and chuckles every point written (at least someone finds it funny....)